


a long time coming

by kinebu



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: I have no idea how to tag, M/M, and also clueless, but what else is new, johnjae are mark's brothers, mark lee is absolutely whipped, sungchan is donghyuck's brother, the teen rating is only bc of mild swearing, this is my first fic oof, this is purely fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:33:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28454670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinebu/pseuds/kinebu
Summary: in which mark finally works up the nerve to confess to his best friend through a love letter artfully hidden in his christmas present
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 4
Kudos: 87





	a long time coming

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone! this is my very first time posting anything on ao3 and i'm super excited. this idea struck me one night early this month and i decided that i couldn't not write it, so here we are. i know this is being posted late (post-christmas), but i hadn't expected this fic would get so long! 
> 
> un-betaed (bc i don't have any ao3 friends yet, lmao), but mostly proofread. let me know in the comments if there are any mistakes i missed so I can fix them!

“guys, how the hell am i going to tell him?” mark runs his hands through his hair messily, accidentally knocking his glasses further down the bridge of his nose. “i can’t hold this in anymore, i just want to spit it all out everytime i see him.”

it’s a lazy saturday afternoon, the final remnants of november sunlight falling through the windows in mark’s living room, casting long shadows across the hardwood floor. it’s that weird lull period after thanksgiving has come and gone, mark’s older brothers having arrived home from college earlier in the week and leftovers from thursday already cleared from the fridge, yet the fall decorations still hang from the walls, too early to start bringing out the christmas decor. mark’s body sags into the beaten loveseat their family has had since they moved into this house, the weight of the first semester of his senior year, upcoming midterms, and college application season leaving him tired and unmotivated.

johnny just sighs from his place on the couch across the room, throwing a glance over his shoulder at the anxious boy before returning his focus to the controller in his hands. “maybe you could just, i don’t know, tell him then?” jaehyun snorts, eyes never leaving the screen before him, wincing slightly as his player gets taken out by the opposing team.

“no, hyung, i can’t ‘ _just tell him_ ’. this is lee donghyuck we’re talking about.” johnny huffs a few expletives under his breath as his player reaches a dead end, trapped. _wow, how poetic_ mark muses to himself. “and i think you’re overestimating my confidence here. did you forget that i’m literally the most awkward person in south korea?”

at this, jaehyun releases a full laugh, finally looking over at his younger brother as johnny’s character also dies, the words ‘mission failed’ flashing in angry red letters on the tv screen. “aww, is our poor markie worried about choking up in front of his crush?” mark wordlessly chucks a pillow at jaehyun’s (stupid) face, an unamused pout settling on his lips.

johnny finally shuts off the game console, turning to give mark an exasperated, almost confused look. “dude, you’ve literally been friends with donghyuck since you were like six.” mark wants to correct him, an unspoken _actually, i was five and he was four and a half_ bouncing around his brain. instead he just holds his tongue, waiting for johnny to get to his point. “you’re already closer than most couples i know—hell, you guys act more like a married couple than our actual parents.”

mark just groans, dropping his head back onto the loveseat behind him. “that’s exactly the problem, though. i don’t really want anything to change between us, especially if he rejects me–”

“he’s not going to reject you, mark,” jaehyun butts in, getting up from the couch to walk into the kitchen. 

“ _if he rejects me_ ,” mark continues, ignoring his middle brother as he rummages through the fridge, “i don’t want to lose him as my best friend.” johnny sighs again, standing from the couch to plop down beside mark on the battered loveseat, slinging an arm around his shoulder and squeezing his youngest brother into his side.

“as much as i know that anything could happen, i have to agree with jaehyun here. i don’t think donghyuck could ever reject you. for fuck’s sake, mark, do you not see the way he looks at you?”

jaehyun hums in agreement, returning to the living room with a can of sparkling water. “like you’re his whole goddamn world.”

johnny just nods, looking back to mark. “i don’t know if you’re blind or just plain dense, but he definitely likes you back. at this point, the two of you are just playing the longest,, most painful to watch game of gay chicken, waiting for the other to confess first. and if i know anything about donghyuck from the, what, fifteen years i’ve known him, it’s that he never gives in first. so that leaves the ball in your court, mark.”

mark pouts, the truth of johnny’s words sinking into his chest and leaving a warm, fluttering feeling, which is almost immediately countered by a sense of unease in his gut. “even if you are right, that still doesn’t help me figure out how to tell him.”

johnny just stands, giving mark’s shoulder a final squeeze as he moves to return to his and jaehyun’s video game. “you’ll figure something out, you’ve always been pretty crafty when it comes to things you really care about.” with a final wink in his direction, the two older brothers fall back into their previous positions, starting their level over again with renewed focus. 

“if you say so…” mark mumbles under his breath, trudging upstairs to begin his physics homework.

/ / /

if mark were to describe his relationship with donghyuck to this point in a single word, it’d be _easy_ . _it’s always been easy with donghyuck_. from their first meeting on the playground when donghyuck had simply run up to him, asking to be friends (five-year-old mark had been utterly shocked at the smaller boy before him’s forwardness, the adorable smile lighting up his entire face rendering mark speechless for a couple seconds), to their days in primary school, donghyuck always a year behind yet never failing to meet his best friend after the final bell to walk home together. Even throughout high school, as both boys expanded their friend circle, joining extracurriculars and sports teams and academic societies, mark has always felt a certain stability, a certain feeling of home in donghyuck.

from the way they talked aimlessly through the night and into the early hours of the morning when they slept over the other's house, to the way mark always helped donghyuck with his math and science homework while donghyuck aided mark in history and english, to the way donghyuck fit under mark’s arm and into his side like the perfect puzzle piece, destined to stick together from the start. _easy_. easy to talk to, to spill his darkest fears to and entrust his deepest secrets. easy to laugh with, to smile knowingly at each other across the room and share the best inside jokes with. easy to touch, to sit with their knees touching under the table, to walk with their hands brushing between them and to lay beside each other, legs tangled up under the blankets as they giggle over videos on donghyuck’s tiny phone screen. 

_always so easy_.

mark inhales deeply, allowing the crisp december air to fill his lungs, holding it there as he scans the crowd of people bustling around the town square before him. as he exhales, the cloud of warm breath turns white and dissipates around him. he digs his hands further into the pockets of his light jacket, nuzzling the lower half of his face deeper into the hood of his sweatshirt bundled around his neck. “ _fuck_ , it’s cold.”

finally, he sees donghyuck’s shock of purple hair peeking out from the sea of other shoppers. “hyuck! over here!” he calls, bracing the cold to wave a hand above his head. said boy turns in his direction, scanning quickly before his eyes land on mark’s lone figure, dazzling smile immediately lighting up his face. _oof_ , mark thinks, breath catching in his chest at the brilliance that is his best friend.

donghyuck at last manages to wade through the crowd, coming to stand only a few inches from mark. he lets out a puff of warm air, the tips of his nose and cheeks tinged red from the cold. “hi, markie.” he smiles again, cheekily, and mark revels in the sound of the nickname rolling off donghyuck’s tongue.

“hey,” mark manages to huff out, smiling back equally as bright, unable to contain his happiness at simply being in donghyuck’s vicinity. 

“hope i didn’t keep you waiting too long. jaemin needed me to do a quick run-through his final econ paper before he submitted, so I got held up longer than intended.” mark just shakes his head no, gaze flitting to scan donghyuck’s outfit: blue washed skinny jeans with his worn-in doc martens and matching winter coat. _fucking gorgeous, as usual_. “are you ready to get going?”

mark simply nods, smiling into his hoodie as donghyuck links their arms together and begins pulling them in the direction of the first store, some cosmetics boutique that donghyuck frequents for his ever-changing, ever-complicated skin care routine. (“this type of face requires the utmost care and attention to maintain. do you think i simply wake up looking this flawless every morning?” mark has to stop himself from saying yes.) “good, because we’ve got some shopping to do. 

over the course of the next couple of hours, donghyuck drags mark from store to store, picking out what seems like dozens of gifts for his dozens of friends. “the latest urban decay palette for jaemin, a new gym bag for jeno, a hoodie for jisung, shooting sleeves for chenle, some new paint brushes for renjun…” the list seemingly goes on forever. but mark doesn’t mind, simply trailing behind donghyuck through every shop, giving his opinions when asked and occasionally writing down gift ideas of his own on his phone when inspiration strikes.

when mark finally convinces donghyuck to take a break for some food, the two settle down in the nearest cafe, a quaint breakfast-lunch nook with coffee and light fare. with donghyuck’s bags taking up an entire side of the booth, he squeezes in beside mark, both boys combing over a menu as their fingers and toes to regain feeling. after they place their order, donghyuck slouches back into the plush cushions of the booth, dropping his head to mark’s shoulder as he checks his various social medias. mark just smiles down at him, allowing himself to enjoy the warmth of donghyuck beside him. “hey, hyuck,” he breaks the silence. said boy shifts his focus upwards, meeting mark’s curious eyes peering down at him. he hums in acknowledgement, signaling mark to continue. “what do you want for christmas?”

the younger just lets out a light chuckle, sitting up from mark’s shoulder (much to mark’s disappointment, despite his effort to beat down the slight pang in his chest). “mark, you literally ask me this question every year and i always give you the same answer: i don’t need anything from you.” he smiles, a _painfully_ soft thing, leaving mark’s insides feeling like clothes in a washing machine. “i’m happy just having you by my side on christmas eve, watching cheesy christmas movies in our pajamas as we stuff our faces with leftover cookies and hot chocolate.”

mark sighs, unsatisfied by donghyuck’s response. “and yet, you still never give me a good answer. come on, hyuck, i want to get you _something_. you always get me a present, so i don't understand why you can’t accept me doing the same for you.”

“i buy you a gift because i love you and i want to.” as hard as he tries, mark can’t seem to fight the warmth spreading up his neck. “plus, i already buy gifts for a ton of other people, so it’s easy to just stumble upon something while i’m out. but you already do so much for me mark, i don’t need a material object to show that you care.” mark opens his mouth to protest, but closes it again as their food arrives. “plus, you always end up buying me something anyway, so clearly my objections mean nothing to you.”

mark just rolls his eyes, resigning to figuring something out on his own later, instead smiling fondly at the sight of donghyuck taking the first sip of his peppermint mocha, an appreciative moan escaping his lips. 

/ / /

the idea comes to mark one night as he sits at his desk, staring challengingly at the same calculus problem he’d been stuck on for the past fifteen minutes. “ _i’ll just write him a letter_ .” old-fashioned, maybe. cheesy, probably. but easier than saying it to his face? _definitely_ , mark thinks to himself as he stands to dig through his desk, searching for a piece of paper that doesn’t have math equations, random song lyrics, or to-do lists scribbled on it. pulling out his music notebook from the precarious pile on his nightstand, mark flips to the next blank page and set to scratching out rough drafts. 

six torn out sheets and 20 minutes later, mark (belatedly) realizes that this is going to take more effort than he initially thought. sparing his poor, precious music journal from further abuse, he moves back to his computer, scowling one last time at that calculus homework glaring back at him (“i’ll be back for you later. you can’t elude me forever, i _will_ solve you.”) before closing out the tab and pulling up a blank document.

“let’s get down to business.”

/ / /

“seo mark!” 

said boy turns his head from where he’s talking with his stats teacher, cheeks flushing a faint pink as he apologizes to the man. “thank you, mr. jo, i’ll make sure to get that assignment to you by the end of the day.” 

after bowing quickly and bidding mr. jo goodbye, mark turns to see donghyuck waiting at the end of the hall for him, bag slung haphazardly over his shoulder. donghyuck waits patiently for mark to reach him, smiling cheekily as he grabs mark’s hand. “hey there, mork-hyung. ready for tonight?”

mark swallows the _i love you_ lodged in his throat, willing his heart rate to slow down as he glances down at their intertwined fingers. instead of professing his undying love for his best friend, mark just plasters a grin on his face, slightly tilting his head to the side as he admires the smiley boy in front of him. _gosh, he’s so incredible_. “of course i’m ready, wouldn’t want to miss spending my friday evening helping you study for your midterms instead of spending quality time with my brothers while they’re home from university,” he teases.

donghyuck just laughs, tugging mark in the direction of the main entrance. “oh, please, you three’s idea of ‘spending quality time’ is just yelling at each other as you wrestle for the tv remote.” now it’s mark’s turn to laugh, allowing himself to be pulled by the bubbly boy out into the parking lot. “plus, you and i both know you’d much rather spend your evening with me.”

mark smiles softly, pulling his keys from his backpack as he settles in stride beside donghyuck, enjoying the warmth of donghyuck’s palm against his in contrast to the frigid air that surrounds them. “yeah, you’re right. spending time with you is always at the top of my list.” mark doesn’t miss the red hue that blossoms on donghyuck’s cheeks, likely a product of the biting wind that occasionally whips through the parking lot (although, mark hopes his words played a part in it, too).

once they finally arrive at the younger’s house, the ride there filled with their usual music blasting and donghyuck belting at the top of his lungs, donghyuck swings open his front front, ushering mark inside. “hey boys, how was school?” mrs. lee greets them from the kitchen, smiling as mark and donghyuck both toe off their shoes, the former reaching out for the latter’s wasit to stabilize him when he almost tips over. 

“same as always: lectures, tests, and lot and lots of homework. mark and i are going upstairs to study, call up when dinner is ready, please!” donghyuck rushes to pull mark up the stairs to his bedroom, mrs, lee chuckling as mark sends her an apologetic grin.

“nice to see you mrs. lee! thanks for letting me come over!”

/ / /

“come on donghyuck, just a couple more problems and then we can take a break. i know you know the answer somewhere deep, deep down in that neverending mess that is your brain.” the boy in question shoots mark a glare, the playfulness from two hours ago replaced by frustration and exhaustion.

“jesus, why does chemistry have to be so hard?” donghyuck whines, turning his glare back to the array of review worksheets, textbook pages, and notes splayed before him on the floor. “why do i even need to take chemistry? it’s not like i’ll ever need to balance chemical equations or know the nomenclature of organic compounds when i become a singer.”

at his best friend’s dramatic complaints, mark just chuckles softly, reaching over to squeeze the back of donghyuck’s neck before stroking his hair. twirling the fading purple strands around his fingers, he watches the gears turn in donghyuck’s head. bottom lip pulled between his teeth and pencil scratching across paper as his hand flits across the page, donghyuck’s attention is fully devoted to the equation in front of him, granting mark the rare opportunity to just _watch_.

it’s not like mark never gets to see donghyuck—heck, there have been times when he’s seen donghyuck more than his own family. yet, it’s not often that he gets the opportunity to just stare, unabashedly and utterly entranced, at the boy. even if donghyuck is never shy about looking at him, mark having caught him shamelessly doing so more times than he could probably ever count, mark has always been the less brazen of the two. but in moments such as these, when mark has donghyuck all to himself, he can’t help but admire the golden boy.

 _his hair has gotten longer recently_ , mark notices, continuing to wind the soft locks around his fingers. his roots have started to grow in, the dark brown contrasting starkly with the vibrant purple, revealing a hint of his natural hair. _gosh_ , does mark miss donghyuck’s natural hair color. despite mark’s repeated attempts to persuade the boy out of another dye job, donghyuck always comes to school the next day after a hair appointment sporting a new, vivid hue. but mark can never bring himself to complain. donghyuck looks good with any color.

trailing his eyes from the colorful locks to the side of his neck, mark basks in the beautiful golden tone of donghyuck’s skin, yet another striking attribute of the boy. mark had always been envious of donghyuck’s honey-like complexion, the way it glowed in the early morning sun peeking through the shades in mark’s bedroom and falling on the sun-kissed boy as he slept peacefully on mark’s bed, or how it glimmered in the moonlight, seeming to capture the light of the stars and reflect it back outwards. gosh, did he want to just run his fingers along it, feel its warmth and softness—just like donghyuck himself. 

lastly, mark’s gaze lands on donghyuck’s face, taking in the look of concentration as donghyuck diligently worked out the problem before him, eyes flitting back and forth between his notes, the textbook, and the current equation of interest. the gentle sloping of his nose, the rise of his cheekbones, the sharp-yet-soft line of his jaw, the fullness of his eyelashes, the contour of his eyebrows, the milk chocolate shade of his irises, the plumpness and curvature of his lips. all of it, the complete picture of perfection. mark smiles—a stupidly smitten, completely whipped raise of lips—losing himself in the boy before him.

the sound of donghyuck finishing up his final problem, an excited and satisfactory _yes_ muttered under his breath, breaks mark from his reverie, dragging him back into reality where donghyuck _isn’t his boyfriend_ , just his best friend. _not yet_ , his brain cuts in mischievously, mark shoving the thought back as he accepts donghyuck’s request to check his work.

“nice work, mr. lee. looks like my tutoring paid off,” mark says, tossing the packet back onto the floor where donghyuck’s study materials laid. donghyuck just smirks up at him, nudging mark’s knee with his elbow as he moves to finally sit up, stretching his back like a cat awakening from a nap. he lets out one last sound of relief before standing up and heading off to the bathroom. mark sets about gathering up donghyuck’s supplies, placing them all neatly back in their places in donghyuck’s backpack or atop his desk. 

when donghyuck returns from the bathroom, mark has already moved onto packing up his own bag, preparing his things to leave. “what are you doing?” donghyuck asks accusingly, rubbing his eyes as a yawn rips through his chest.

mark just chuckles softly at the boy, ruffling his purple locks as donghyuck comes to stand next to him. “getting ready to head home for the night?”

donghyuck just whines again, wrapping his arms around mark from behind and resting his cheek on the taller’s back. “and what makes you think i’m letting you go home tonight, instead of sleeping over here?” mark doesn’t turn or move to break from the younger’s embrace, just raising his hands to cover donghyuck’s on his waist. then, softer this time, donghyuck says “please stay the night.”

and mark would be damned if he said no to that. _he did ask nicely, he even said please_ , the logical (or, in denial) side of his brain supplies. _plus, you know you could never say no to him_ , the illogical (read: more realistic) side adds.

and so mark smiles, loosening donghyuck’s grip just enough to turn around to face him, the shorter immediately adjusting to the new embrace and tucking his head in mark’s neck. placing his chin atop donghyuck’s vibrant scalp, breathing in the home-smell that belongs distinctly to his best friend—clean, like fresh sun-dried sheets, with a hint of vanilla—mark relents. “of course i’ll stay, hyuck.”

/ / /

the realization that mark had a crush on his best friend didn’t come with fireworks or extravagant music. hell, the moment itself hadn’t even been that extraordinary. it had been the last week in august, the second week back in school. as donghyuck was entering his junior year, while mark his senior year, the younger quickly took advantage of the fact that mark had already taken all of his same classes the year prior, exploiting his best friend’s smarts to help him with his ("really, _really_ hard," in donghyuck's words) chemistry work. 

despite the fact that donghyuk had turned sixteen over the summer, he’d refused to get his license, claiming that he had no reason to as mark was a perfectly acceptable chauffeur. by consequence, mark was also roped into driving home sungchan, donghyuck’s little brother who’d just started his freshman year. of course, mark didn’t mind—he loved donghyuck’s family and was always willing to help them out when they asked. 

so, there mark sat, helping donghyuck study for his first chemistry quiz, the only two people still in the school’s massive library aside from the librarian, waiting for sungchan’s soccer practice to finish. the material was pretty basic (at least in mark’s opinion), just an overview of the atomic model, subatomic particles, and the periodic table. yet, all the same, donghyuck had still forced mark to help run him through the terms, quizzing him with a set of multi-colored flashcards. 

(donghyuck had always had a thing for flashcards. mark swore in his highschool career alone, the boy had gone through at least four packs a semester, always using the same brand and set of pastel colors. maybe it was just his compulsive personality, or maybe it was his perfectionist tendencies, but donghyuck treated every assessment, be it pop quiz, notes check, or unit test, as though it were a university-level final exam, devoting hours of studying—and flashcard making—to drill the information into his brain. “ _it’s not fair, how come you can excel in any subject you want without even trying while i have to bust my ass just to get a B_ ,” donghyuck had complained numerous times, mark’s response each time just a laugh and shrug of his shoulders.)

after a painstakingly tedious hour of studying, mark decided to cut their study session short, growing tired of repeating the same fifteen terms over and over again. “let’s head out to the fields. sungchan should be wrapping up soon, anyways.” donghyuck just agrees, gathering his things up and returning them to his backpack, the orderliness putting mark’s raggedy and entirely disorganized bag to shame.

as mark had predicted, sungchan and his teammates were just breaking from practice as he and donghyuck arrived at the field. spotting his brother’s shock of purple hair, sungchan quickly grabbed his bags from the sidelines and jogged over to the two elder boys, a brilliant smile plastered on his face. _just like donghyuck_ , mark’s brain unhelpfully supplied, watching the youngest wrap an arm around his older brother playfully. donghyuck just ruffled the taller’s hair, shooting him a similarly sunny smile in response, leaving mark just a _tiny_ bit breathless. 

“ready to go?” donghyuck asks, breaking from sungchan’s grasp.

“yep,” sungchan replies, and the three start towards mark’s car. 

almost as if its routine by this point, donghyuck unzips the topmost pocket of mark’s bag, retrieving his car keys and clicking the unlock button before passing them over to mark, palm already open and waiting. _easy_ , mark thinks, as donghyuck’s fingers brush across his, reveling in the soft warmth that spreads through his hand and up his arm. as donghyuck rounds the front of his beat-up crosstrek and hops into the passenger seat, sungchan heads to the back, tossing his bags in the trunk before climbing in behind donghyuck.

plopping his bag in the back with sungchan’s, mark finally settles into the driver’s seat, buckling his seat belt and starting the ignition. when he glances up, he’s met with donghyuck plugging his phone into the aux, already choosing their playlist for the drive home.

the sight was entirely familiar, after almost two years now of driving to school together. but today, mark couldn’t help but stop and admire the boy across from him. the late august sunlight poured through the window, casting a natural spotlight on him as he fumbled with the bright pink cord, causing his amber-toned skin to glow and illuminating his chocolate eyes. the purple dye in his hair turned bright lavender and his dark brown roots appeared richer than fresh brewed coffee as they caught the light. 

mark’s heart clenched in his chest, thumping louder than the bass of his car as the first beats of some ph-1 track floated through the (absolutely wrecked) stereo system. his breath caught in his lungs and eyes stuck on the beautiful boy before him, the rest of the world faded away, as if all that mattered was donghyuck. _donghyuck, donghyuck, donghyuck_ his brain chanted like a prayer, growing like a crescendo, as if all that he _knew_ was his name, until it finally hit him.

_fuck, i like donghyuck._

“mark hyung, are you good?”

and just like that, the spell was broken. mark blinked, returning to reality to find both sungchan and donghyuck’s eyes on him, the former’s reflecting more confusion than anything, while the latter’s held both curiosity and a hint of concern.

mark blinked again, shaking his head before meeting donghyuck’s gaze with a silent _i’m okay_ . donghyuck’s eyebrows just furrowed slightly in response, the _we’ll talk more about this later_ left unsaid. exhaling a breath and forcing a smile, mark finally puts his car into drive, turning back to look at sungchan. “yeah, i’m good. i was just thinking about an assignment i have to finish for tomorrow.” although donghyuck clearly didn’t buy the excuse, he let it be, focusing his attention to singing along with the music as mark pulled out of the school parking lot and onto the main road.

for the entirety of the drive to donghyuck and sungchan’s house (at which mark didn’t stay for long, pulling another flimsy ‘i’ve got calculus homework to do’ excuse, refusing to meet donghyuck’s questioning gaze), the short drive back to his house, and up through dinner with his family that evening, the weight of mark’s realization sat heavy in his mind and chest. even as he laid in his bed, hair still wet from his shower and homework left unfinished on his desk across the room, all he could do was sit and turn over the newly-discovered phrase in his mind. 

_i like donghyuck._

_i_ like _donghyuck._

 _i like_ donghyuck.

what would this mean for their friendship? would it change anything between them? _well, i guess it can’t if he doesn’t know_ , mark reasoned with himself, fingers toying with the guitar pick donghyuck had gifted him on his first day of freshman year. _if i never tell him, he’ll never have to find out, and then things won’t change between us._

mark sighed, hair continuing to drip onto his worn t-shirt, _another_ gift from donghyuck, this time from a family vacation to _jeju-do_ the younger went on in sixth grade. although it had been too big five years ago, the shirt now hugged mark’s chest and shoulders nicely, the faded hangul no more than a shadow at this point.

 _then again_ , a tiny voice in the back of his mind offered, _what if he likes you back?_

 _no, stop that_ , he argued back, frowning slightly as he eyed the pictures and polaroids of him and donghyuck plastered across his walls, amidst the messy collage of band posters, academic awards, and fragments of song lyrics scribbled on post-it notes. _don’t think like that, you’ll only get your hopes up and be that more upset when it doesn’t work out._

groaning in resignation, mark drops the guitar pick back on his night stand and reaches to shut off his lamp, which cast a soft glow on the room’s interior. crawling under the blankets, he rolls onto his side and gazes out the window. even then, he can’t escape the thoughts of his best friend, the piercing dark of the night sky and dazzling twinkle of the stars only reminding him of the boy’s sparkling eyes. 

“what am i going to do about you, lee donghyuck?”

/ / /

how mark found himself stuck with jaemin and renjun a week later, standing in the hair care aisle of the convenience store downtown while the younger two argued over which color of dye would best match mark’s complexion, he couldn’t exactly tell you.

“okay, hear me out, injunnie. we want something bold, right?” jaein reaches to snatch a box of light blueish-green dye off the shelf, lightly shaking it in his hands. “what’s more bold than aquamarine?”

renjun just scrunches his nose up in disapproval (much to mark’s relief), turning from the offending box to scan the shelf again. “i think blue is a tad _too_ bold,” he hums, ignoring both jaemin’s disappointed pout and mark’s indignant _just a tad?!_

finally, he plucks a smaller box of blonde dye from the top shelf, whirling around to face the two other boys. mark’s eyes go wide. “i swear to _god_ , renjun, i am _not_ going blond.”

said boy just waves his hand dismissively. “oh, hush. although i think you’d look _fantastic_ as a blond, this isn’t meant for your whole head. i’m thinking highlights, like in your fringe and under layers.”

jaemin ponders this for a few seconds, before shaking his head. “i like your idea, but i don’t think mark-hyung is edgy enough to pull that off.”

mark sputters, his arms flapping to his sides. “now i feel like you guys are just dissing me.” renjun and jaemin both turn to look at each other in the eyes, sharing a quick, wordless conversation before returning their gaze back to mark, expressionless. “why do i even need to dye my hair anyway?”

“because,” jaemin says, crossing his arms over his chest, the pristine white sleeves of his hoodie reaching just below the base of his fingers. “if you want to win over hyuck’s heart before new years, you’re going to need to impress him when the time comes to confess. we’re upping your swoon-factor, hyung.”

mark blinks, feeling a new rush of heat crawl up his neck. “how do you– who told you– what?”

reunjun just rolls his eyes, returning the box of platinum dye to its place. without glancing at him, he says, “johnny-hyung told us. said you were whining to him and jaehyun-hyung about it the other week, and wanted us to help you get your shit together.”

“of course he did,” mark sighs, lifting off his baseball cap to push his fringe back into place before returning it atop his head. “look, guys. i really appreciate your enthusiasm and help, but i don’t want to completely change up my look. if donghyuck is going to go out with me, i want it to be because he likes who i am as a person, not because of the superficial things.”

jaemin coos, swooning over mark’s words as renjun just rolls his eyes, again. _i swear_ , mark thinks, _one of these days they’re going to get stuck up there._ “aw, markie-hyung, that’s not what we're trying to do,” jaemin starts, throwing an arm over mark’s shoulder. “of course we want you to be yourself and win him over that way.”

“ _but_ ,” renjun cuts in, as though reading and finishing jaemin’s train of thought for him. “that doesn’t mean you can’t look absolutely _smoking_ while doing it.”

both younger boys grin at each other, before turning their eyes back to mark. jaemin squeezes mark’s shoulder. “it’s okay if you don’t want to dye your hair, but would you at least consider doing something with it? is there anything you’d want to try?”

mark ponders this for a minute. _they do have a point_ , he reasons, thinking back to all the times he’s been completely out-dressed and out-styled by donghyuck during their regular outings and hangouts. donghyuck always looked amazing (although mark might be a little biased), with his stellar fashion sense, outstanding shoe collection, subtle yet eye-catching make-up skills, and daring hair colors and styles. mark, on the other hand, couldn’t confidently state the last time he’d gone shopping for new clothing that wasn’t a hoodie or regular old jeans (can you blame him for choosing comfort over style?). 

“i mean, i guess i’ve kind of been wanting to cut my hair lately? i don’t know, switch up the style or something?”

jaemin’s eyes light up in excitement, while renjun’s glow with a slight hint of slyness. “then what are we doing here? let’s get you to a barber shop.”

two hours and 40 000 won later ( _since when did haircuts cost so much?_ mark’s brain cried as he handed over the bills), mark steps out of the nearest barbershop, a small, trendy brick studio owned by a petite man named ten, walking over to where jaemin and renjun stand sipping coffees at an outdoor table. clearing his throat, he gains their attention, grinning shyly as they gawk at his new hair.

“how does it look?”

ten had taken one look at him and said, “oh boy, i know _exactly_ what i want to do with you,” immediately whisking him off to a shower-chair to get started. after agreeing with mark that _no, aquamarine would_ not _be a good color on him_ , although siding with renjun on the blond (“i expect to see you in here some day so that i can bring _that_ beautiful vision to life”), ten finished with a flourish, brushing the remaining strands of mark’s cut locks from the cape on his shoulders.

ten had ended up giving him an undercut around the sides and back of his head, only trimming the top so as to leave it long. thankfully, he’d left mark’s natural hair color alone, finding that the rich brown much better suited his paler, winter-season complexion and contrasted nicely with the snow outside. he’d even taken it upon himself to finish with a touch of gel, swooping mark’s fringe off his forehead and into a small curl that just lightly touched the tops of his eyebrows. he looked _good_ , and he knew it.

“you looking fucking _hot_ , mark.” renjun just laughs in a mix of agreement and disbelief, while jaemin’s jaw continues to hang open as his eyes sweep over mark’s new locks. “hyuckie is going to _die_ when he sees you.”

mark chuckles, attempting to hide the light blush on his cheeks in the neck of his hoodie. “hopefully i don’t actually kill him. i’d like to kiss him before that happens.”

/ / /

it isn’t until the week of christmas that mark manages to finally find donghyuck’s gift. cutting it close? yes. but, trying to find the perfect gift for a person who refused to tell you what they wanted and had everything anyway? mark felt he deserved the extra time.

his mom had sent him out to buy more wrapping paper, having _at last_ depleted the seemingly-endless supply she'd acquired over the years of mark and his brothers' childhoods. 

(to be honest, mark could remember receiving presents wrapped in the same blue wrapping paper, scattered with tiny silver stars and golden crescent moons, since he was six. of course, there were others, like the white paper with mini green pine trees on it, or the red one with snowmen wearing fluffy santa hats, but the navy blue paper had always been his favorite.

his mom always made the prettiest bows, twisting and knotting ribbons of various hues and widths and textures into the most intricate shapes. mark almost felt bad opening his presents each year. taking utmost care not to rip the paper as he peeled off the tape, gently untying the elaborate bows as if they were made of silk, and watching in dismay as his older brothers absolutely ravaged their presents. 

to this day, mark always brought his presents to his mom for help, the woman's kind smile and tinkling laugh filling their small living room as she re-taught her helpless son how to cut, fold, and tape the colorful papers into place. "what are you going to do without me? you better find yourself a partner who can at least wrap presents better than you, or your children are going to be very disappointed come christmas morning."

good thing donghyuck had always been more artsy than he.)

he was just leaving the department store, three fresh rolls of vibrant paper tucked under his arm, when he saw it. across the street, in the storefront window of a quaint toy store, a bright yellow plushie caught mark's eye, the shock of color standing out amongst the other, darker-hued fabrics. crossing the square, mark stops in front of the glass, frosted over in the corners and fogging slightly under the warmth of his breath, admiring the small toy. 

the plushie was in the shape of a sun, the pale yellow center encircled by teeny orange triangles. at the very center, an adorable smiley face was stitched with black thread, the sun's eyes forming crescents while it's cheeks were dusted a light pink. 

mark was flooded with an overwhelming (and slightly concerning) sense of adoration for the plushie, automatically likening it to his best-friend-slash-love-of-his-life, the human embodiment of the sun itself. rushing through the tiny shop's front door, bell jingling excitedly at his entrance, mark snatched the plushie from the window display and made his way to the register. after nearly throwing his money at the cashier, the poor, confused girl only giving him a mildly judgmental glance before ringing up mark's purchase, mark emerged from the store, triumphant grin sitting high on his rosy cheeks.

after stopping at a few other stores on his way, mark arrived home, the familiar sounds of his brothers arguing over some video game in the living room and his mother washing dishes in the kitchen welcoming him. tossing the rolls of wrapping paper on the table, mark scurried up the stairs to his bedroom, paper and plastic bags filled with donghyuck’s gifts fluttering behind him. snatching a box from his mother's stash—a simple beige cardboard one with tiny flecks of golden glitter throughout—and some tissue paper to accompany it, mark set about building donghyuck's gift. 

_what's better than a care package?_ he'd thought to himself as he strolled through the near-empty aisles of target, donghyuck's sun plushie tucked safely in his car. narrowly avoiding a stressed out father dashing towards the registers, shopping cart filled with various toys and stocking stuffers, mark had perused the home and beauty sections, placing a handful of sheet masks, a bottle of balsam and pine-scented hand lotion, and a couple of seasonal-themed candles in his basket. mark had to laugh at their names: "gosh, i hope donghyuck likes the smell of 'fuzzy sweater' and 'yuletide cheers'," he snorted. "whatever _those_ are supposed to smell like." 

swinging by the entertainment section on his way to the grocery aisles, mark had scanned the dvd display for any of donghyuck’s favorite movies, settling on _coco_ , _onward_ , and the latest film _soul_.

(mark will never forget the time donghyuck made him watch his first pixar movie. after confessing that he’d never seen a film from the animation studio, donghyuck’s utterly scandalized face gave mark the impression he’d committed some act of sacrilege. “mark seo, have you been living under a fucking rock your whole life? gosh, what did you watch as a kid, _little einstein_ ?” mark did his best not to get defensive, to give away the fact that _yes, he had watched little einstein as a kid_ and _fucking loved it_. but donghyuck saw right through him, bursting into a bout of his usual, uncontrollable laughter. 

before long, they were tucked into donghyuck’s couch, his expansive collection of pixar dvds spread across the coffee table in front of as donghyuck ranted about mark’s lack of culture. “we are going to sit here and watch every pixar movie to date in order, starting with _toy story_ .” mark had fallen asleep sometime in the middle of _finding nemo_ , but the brilliant smile on twelve-year-old donghyuck’s face as he watched the screen was enough motivation for him to return the next day, and the day after that, to finish off their marathon. ever since then, donghyuck dragged mark to the theaters each time a new film was released to catch the first screening on opening night.)

rounding out the care package with some of donghyuck’s favorite snacks (three packs of wild berry skittles, a couple of kit kat bars, and a giant bag of smart food), mark had finally deemed his gift complete.

carefully arranging the contents of donghyuck’s care package inside the giant box (mark had never been great at puzzles, but at least he had more patience than donghyuck), mark tucked the letter in last, slipping in down the side so it lay at the bottom, nestled within the layers of sparkly red tissue paper he’d salvaged from his mother’s stash. returning the top of the box, mark smoothed his hands over the top, sticking a matching red bow in the middle. 

leaving the box perched atop his desk, mark finally got himself ready for bed, the thought of donghyuck receiving it and reading his letter the next day leaving warm excitement buzzing in his chest and nervous anticipation stirring in his belly.

/ / /

to say that mark was nervous was an understatement. he was _beyond_ nervous, his fingers tapping on the steering wheel so loudly during the short ride to donghyuck’s house that chenle had given him the stink eye through the rear-view mirror, cunning eyes impossibly more piercing than usual, while renjun shot him confused looks from the passenger seat. even his brothers had noticed the incessant bouncing of his leg during dinner, jaehyun questioning if he’d forgotten to take his adhd medication that morning while johnny sent concerned glances across the table. 

“what’s up with you, kid? i haven’t seen you this nervous since the first time jaehyun took you to school after getting his license.” jaehyun punches johnny in the arm, earning an over-exaggerated shout of pain from the eldest, before he turns to hit jaehyun back. 

“i’m confessing to donghyuck tonight,” mark exhales. both brothers stop, johnny’s headlock loosening around jaehyun’s neck as jaehyun releases his grip from where he’d dug it into johnny’s side. 

“ _oh_ ,” they both say, standing up to face mark again. 

“that’s a big deal,” jaehyun starts, fixing his t-shirt from the brief grapple with johnny. “you think you’re finally ready?” 

johnny laughs, interrupting mark before he could even think to respond. “ready? it’s been over ten years, i think that’s plenty of time. if he’s not ready now, i don’t think he’ll ever be.”

mark scowls up at johnny, hating both the fact that he’s right _and_ that he towers half a head over him. “shut up, hyung. it’s just nerve-wracking! like you said, we’ve been best friends since forever and i don’t want this to be the thing that scares him away.”

eyes softening, johnny reaches out, slinging an arm over mark’s shoulder as jaehyun steps forward to ruffle his hair. mark whines at the motion, fretting over the strands he’d spent half an hour fixing in the mirror earlier. “you know that you could never scare donghyuck away. he’s stuck around this long, i doubt anything could get rid of him at this point.”

jaehyun snorts, and the truth behind johnny’s words pulls a tiny grin from mark, his anxiety already beginning to recede at his brother’s reassurances. 

“plus,” jaehyun adds, “i’m about 99% sure donghyuck is more head-over-heels for you than you are for him.”

mark’s grin finally breaks into a full smile, and johnny tugs him into a tight hug, jaehyun coming in from behind to sandwich him between their much taller bodies. “gosh, you guys are saps,” mark says, but there’s no bite to his words. when they finally release him, both their eyes are glinting excitedly, and mark slightly flusters under the attention. 

“go get him, markie.”

when mark pulls up to donghyuck’s house, jeno’s truck is already parked in the driveway, filling mark’s usual spot. more irritated than he’d like to admit, he instead rolls up alongside the curb, jisung and chenle scrambling out from the backseat before he can even put the car in park. once he finally cuts the ignition, he shuts his eyes, releasing a deep exhale. 

a warm hand, almost timid, squeezes his knee, and mark turns his face towards the passenger side. renjun is already looking at him, this time more concern than confusion, before giving him a small but reassuring smile. it’s weird, mark thinks, having someone in the passenger seat other than donghyuck. renjun seems so tiny, despite the only minor height difference, compared to donghyuck’s brilliant smile and bold personality, his booming voice as he sings along to whatever song he’s blasting from mark’s stereo, his bright purple hair catching the sunlight filtering through mark’s windshield.

“ _god_ you’re whipped,” renjun laughs, smacking mark’s knee. “you’re thinking about him right now, aren’t you? i can see it in your eyes.”

mark’s only response is a sheepish smile, almost shy under renjun’s scrutiny. _am i that obvious?_ he thinks to himself.

“yes, you are,” renjun answers, as if reading his mind. his tone is exasperated, yet his smile is kind. “i swear, you and hyuck are the most hopeless, love-dumb idiots i’ve ever seen.” giving mark’s knee one more reassuring squeeze, renjun opens his door, climbing out into the street. “let’s go, loverboy.”

upon walking in donghyuck’s front door, mark is immediately tackled by jaemin, almost sending both of them toppling off donghyuck’s front porch. “there’s our handsome boy! oh, jaehyun did such a good job with you tonight, almost as if he knew you were trying to impress someo–”

before jaemin can finish his sentence, mark pinches his side, _hard_ , causing the boy to yelp in pain. stupid smirk still plastered across his lips, he turns to perster renjun next. finally shutting the door behind him, mark toes his boots off, lining them up beside the other haphazardly strewn pairs. walking further into the house, mark finds jeno, chenle, jisung, and sungchan standing around the kitchen island, the youngest of the four already three cookies deep.

“jesus, jisung, you’d think your family never feeds you,” he jokes, catching their attention. 

“oh, mark-hyung! you’re here!” sungchan says, smiling as mark joins them at the counter. “donghyuck-hyung is upstairs right now finishing getting ready, but he’ll be down soon.”

jeno shoots mark a knowing look, eyes squeezing shut as a gummy smile tugs at his lips. mark elbows him in the side, the beginnings of a blush definitely _not_ creeping up his neck. _absolutely_ not.

“wow, no ‘hello, hyung’, ‘merry christmas, hyung’? kids these days,” mark mutters playfully, ruffling sungchan’s hair as he moves to the fridge, helping himself to a can of the fancy sparkling water donghyuck’s dad loves to drink. sungchan laughs, shaking his hair back into place and snatching a cookie for himself. jaemin and renjun finally emerge from the entryway, joining the other five boys in the kitchen, launching a heated debate over the best christmas song.

“renjun, don’t even fucking start with me. mariah carey is the christmas _queen_. all i want for christmas literally tops every list of iconic christmas songs you’ll ever read,” jaemin spits, almost slapping jeno in the face with the cookie in his hand as he gestures frantically. 

“the video is tacky, her high notes are ear-piercing, and it’s over-played. let it snow is a classic and, unlike mariah carey, michael buble has actual _taste_.”

jaemin gasps. “you take that back!” renjun sticks out his tongue taunting the pink-haired boy, whose eyes, made all the more emphatic by his sparkly eyeshadow and green eyeliner, blaze with more fury than the fake fire crackling across the living room. jeno places a placating hand on jaemin’s nape, but the motion does nothing to calm the fire blazing in his tall, lanky frame.

“what about rocking around the christmas tree? the jazzy instrumentals are really good, and the lyrics are so catchy,” jeno tries, earning glares from both jaemin _and_ renjun this time. 

“yeah, feliz navidad and rudolf the red-nosed reindeer are also catchy, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t annoying as hell,” chenle quips, eliciting a gasp this time from mark. 

“hey, feliz navidad isn’t annoying! the mariachi is out of this world, and josé feliciano is _legendary_. don’t hate just because you can’t understand the lyrics,” he pouts

a snort echoes from the top of the stairs, catching the group’s attention. “sorry to break it to you, but you’re all wrong. the best christmas song is _clearly_ last christmas by wham! the lack of cheesy sleigh bells, the soft and sensual background music, and george michael’s face? nothing tops it.”

mark’s heart just about stops when donghyuck finally emerges at the bottom of the staircase, every coherent and rational thought flying from his brain faster than jaemin when he sees a spider. 

sweeping his eyes up and down donghyuck’s figure, mark wants to cry. a pair of tight black skinny jeans, shredded at his knees and up his thighs, hug his legs like a second skin, while a flowy red dress shirt is french-tucked into the front, the top few buttons left open. peeking out from his collar is a silver chain, thin and delicate as it dips beneath the silky crimson fabric of his shirt. his hair, in all it’s faded-purple glory, is slightly wavy, the curls covering his forehead yet framing his face perfectly, as though they were curtains parting to reveal performers on a stage.

mark swallows, eyes trailing down to donghyuck’s face to find him already staring back, an equally awed look plastered across his features. finally stepping down from the stairs and out into the kitchen, he strides straight up to mark, eyes fixed just above mark’s own.

“your hair…you cut it,” he says, quietly, as if in a daze. “it looks… _really_ good, hyung.”

mark releases a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. confidence boosted, he musters up a grin. “you like it? jaemin and renjun wanted me to dye it, but i thought i’d be better off just cutting it.”

as if snapping out of a trance, donghyuck finally pulls his eyes away from mark’s hair, flashing him a brilliant smile (that may or may not have caused mark’s heart to stumble in its rhythm), before scrunching up his nose. “no, you’re definitely better off without dying it. especially if it's those two picking the color.”

jaemin and renjun’s indignant protests finally drag mark back to reality, breaking the bubble his mind had formed around him and donghyuck. clearing his throat and plastering on the cheekiest smile he can manage, mark turns back to the island, pulling donghyuck in beside him. “so, last christmas, you say? elaborate more on this choice.”

/ / /

three hours, two (ridiculously cheesy) christmas movies, and five plates of mrs. lee’s chocolate chip cookies later, everyone is just about ready to call it a night. 

“hey mark-hyung, mr. park is going to pick jisung up since he’s going to be coming by here anyway, and he offered to give me and chenle a ride,” renjun says, unfurling himself from the blanket cocoon he’d created in his corner of the couch. “so you don’t have to worry about bringing us home.”

only half paying attention, still invested in the ending of _charlie brown christmas_ flashing across the tv in donghyuck’s living room, mark speaks over his shoulder, “are you sure? it’s no extra trouble for me.”

at the lack of response from the other male, mark finally pulls his eyes away from the puny little christmas tree on screen, turning to find an equally tiny smirk playing at renjun’s lips. “yeah, i’m sure. wouldn’t want to get in the way of your _conversation_ with donghyuck.”

mark feels his cheeks heat up, stomach flopping in his abdomen at renjun’s insinuation. he’d almost managed to forget about the box sitting in the back of his car, and the letter buried at the bottom, between his friends’ bouts of raucous laughter and the god-awful hallmark movie jaemin convinced (read: forced) them all to watch first. but he really couldn’t avoid the matter any longer, at this point. 

(not that mark _wanted_ to put off his confession to donghyuck—he was bursting at the seams, just about ready to rip the letter open and read it to donghyuck himself. he was more concerned about the potentially awkward confrontation that came after, the potential rejection and uncomfortable tension that came with one-sided feelings.)

as his friends gathered up their various gifts (jaemin had just about woken up the whole neighborhood when he opened donghyuck’s gift, screeching as he tore open the paper and hugging the palette to his chest for the rest of the night), mark helped sungchan pick up the various ribbons and scraps of wrapping and tissue paper littering the floor. jeno and jaemin left first, climbing into jeno’s truck as the first flakes of snow began floating down from the dark, murky sky and waving as they pulled out of the driveway. within a few more minutes, the headlights of jisung’s father’s bmw flickered through windows, and he, along with renjun and chenle, left as well. 

after plucking the last sticky bow from the couch and shoving it in the trash, mark turned to sungchan, who was doing one last sweep over the floor. “thank you for helping me clean up the living room,” he says, smiling gratefully at mark from across the dim living room. he yawns, then starts towards the stairs. “g’night, hyung.”

mark chuckles, watching the younger boy’s tired body shuffle up the first steps. “see you later, kiddo.” sungchan mumbles something incoherent before disappearing into the dark. shaking his head fondly, mark turns toward the kitchen, where the soft sound of donghyuck’s voice mingles with the clinking of dishes. he’s singing lee hi’s latest single under his breath, the breathiness of his gentle tone the most beautiful music to mark’s ears. 

“hey,” mark says, surprised at the tenderness saturating his voice. he clears his throat, coming to stand beside donghyuck at the sink as he rinses chocolate smudges and cookie crumbs off the plates they’d gone through, before placing them into the dishwasher.

donghyuck ceases his humming, turning to face mark. he smiles—not the usual, brilliantly wide smile that rivals the sun’s own brightness, but a much softer curve of lips. he’d gotten halfway through the first christmas movie before complaining about being uncomfortable, running up to his room to trade his (incredibly stunning) skinny jeans and button up for a pair of well-worn sweatpants and a faded t-shirt that’s easily two sizes too big for him. his hair, previously styled and swept from his forehead, fell into his eyes now, the lavender-hued curls tickling his full eyelashes each time he blinked. he looked so incredibly _soft_ , and all mark wanted to do was sweep him into a big, cozy hug and never let go.

“hey,” he says finally, “is everyone gone already?”

“yeah,” mark replies, watching donghyuck place the last dish into the dishwasher and shut off the faucet, wiping his hands on a rag hanging from its handle. “renjun and chenle left with jisung, so it’s just me left. sungchan already headed up to his room. poor kid looked like he was about to pass out at any second.”

donghyuck lets out an easy laugh, leaning his hip onto the counter as he looks back at mark. “he’s probably just jealous he didn’t get to open any presents tonight like the rest of us.” mark snorts, unconsciously following donghyuck’s movements and leaning against the counter himself. “speaking of which, i can’t believe you didn’t get me a gift, especially after the _amazing_ present i gave you.”

and amazing it had been. donghyuck had bought him an audio-mixer for his phone, as well as a new desk-top microphone, after years of late-night busking sessions and writing short songs together. “so you can actually start recording some of the hundreds of songs you’ve written in those notebooks of yours,” he’d explained, a teasing lilt to his voice although his smile was affectionate, excited. mark _loved_ it, and had almost considered leaning over and kissing donghyuck in that moment, although luckily he’d had the forethought to settle for a smile and side-hug instead. 

“you said you didn’t want anything!” mark cries playfully, and donghyuck tosses his head back, laughter erupting heartily from his chest. chest warm at the sound, mark grins. “i actually did get you something, though.”

donghyuck’s laughter fades into soft giggles as he brings his gaze back down to meet mark’s. “oh? you did?”

rubbing the hem of his shirt between his thumb and forefinger, a habit born out of nerves and shyness, mark puffs out a breath of air. “yeah, i left it in my car earlier because it’s kind of heavy and, to be honest, i didn’t want the others getting nosy about it.”

this caught donghyuck’s attention, as he raised one of his eyebrows in response. “heavy? mark, you better not have gotten me something huge. i was only kidding when i called you out for not getting me anything.”

grinning, mark pushes off the kitchen counter and reaches for his keys where they rest on the island. as he heads toward the front door, donghyuck follows, a tiny smile sitting on his lips. “let me run out and grab it real quick.”

as mark jogs out to his car, careful not to slip on the thin layer of fresh snow coating the ground, donghyuck stands on the threshold, arms crossed in front of him for warmth while his shoulder keeps the door propped open. when donghyuck lays eyes on the giant box in mark’s arms as he scurries back up the driveway, his eyes widen slightly. “jeez, hyung, seriously. i told you i didn’t want anything.”

mark just smiles as he steps back inside, wiping his boots on the doormat but not stepping in any further. “i know. but, like you said, i did it because i _wanted to_ .” shifting the box into donghyuck’s arms, he smiles at the slight pink flush dusting the younger’s cheeks. ( _of course, it was probably from the cold_ , mark’s rational side provides helpfully, quelling the hopes that it _maybe, possibly, hopefully_ could have been because of him.) “as much as i’d love to stay and watch you open it up, johnny told me that he would lock me out if i got home any later than ten, so i should probably be on my way.”

“yeah, sounds like something he’d do,” donghyuck laughs. he shifts,.placing the box on the floor beside him, before turning back to face mark. “thank you, though, for real.”

mark smiles shyly, feeling a blush of his own creep up the back of his neck as he shoves his hands into his coat pockets, glancing down at his boots and donghyuck’s bare feet facing each other. “of course, anything for you.”

donghyuck’s eyes are glittering, the twinkle of the multicolored string lights reflecting in his irises as he gazes back at mark. in the dim light, his skin shines like molten bronze, radiating warmth that mark can feel from how close they’re standing. he looks gorgeous, and maybe mark is a little biased, but in that moment there is nothing more beautiful that the boy in front of him.

“text me when you get home? just so i know you didn’t slide off the road and into some ditch along the way,” he jokes, eliciting a snort from mark.

“i will. and don’t forget to let me know what you think of your gift once you open it.” mark’s heart skips a beat at the thought of the letter hidden at the bottom, of donghyuck finding and reading and reacting to said letter.

“oh, i’ll be opening that as soon as you’re out that door.” they laugh, easily, as it always is between them. something flashes in donghyuck’s eyes, but it’s gone nearly as fast as it had appeared, long before mark could have understood what it meant. he inches forward then, and mark automatically understands, opening his arms and meeting donghyuck halfway in a hug. “good night, hyung. merry christmas,” donghyuck mumbles into mark’s shoulder, his arms wrapped tightly around mark’s neck.

mark squeezes his arms gently where they’re wound around donghyuck’s waist, savoring the warmth that came with holding the sun in his arms. “merry christmas, hyuck.”

contrary to what he’d claimed, donghyuck didn’t move from the entryway until mark had already made it to his car, smiling and waving slightly as mark pulled away from the curb and drove off into the darkness.

/ / / 

christmas day flew by uneventfully, at least by mark’s standards. jaehyun had almost set the stockings on fire after he lit the fireplace with a little bit _too_ much kindling, while johnny’s attempt at pancakes came out burnt and tasting primarily of flour, eliciting chuckles from their father before he stepped in to make a new batch.

the giftload had been small this year, but with johnny and jaehyun already in college and mark preparing to join them the next year, it was much better this way. while his two older brothers had mainly gotten clothes and spending money for school, mark received new sneakers and a (really, _really_ nice) smart watch. 

“you’re always late to everything, and the last thing we need is for you to miss your classes next year,” his mom snorted as he eyed the gadget, jaw nearly on the floor as he gingerly rotated the box in his hands.

by half past noon, mark was still in his sweats, lounging on the couch as he watched johnny and jaehyun playing the new switch game he’d gifted them. he’d been checking his phone every five minutes since he first woke up, heart sinking in his chest each time he opened it to find his messaging app void of notifications.

last night after reaching his driveway, as was requested of him, he’d sent donghyuck a text confirming yes, he’d made it home safely and no, he hadn’t slid off into any ditches. other than his short _‘congrats, i’m proud of you hyung_ ’, he’d said nothing of the massive box mark had left in his arms the night prior. 

and it was absolutely eating mark up from the inside.

_did he open it? did he manage to find the letter, or did he throw away the box without finding it? did he read it and is avoiding talking to me to not make it awkward? or is this a rejection? oh my gosh, he read it and now he’s never going to talk to me again, i can’t believe i just ruined our friendship. thirteen years, and all for nothing. gosh mark, why did you have to be so weak-hearted and fucking fall in love with your best fr–_

“yo, earth to minhyung! you good over there?” johnny’s voice cuts through the fog, interrupting his thoughts.

“fuck, hyung i think he might be having a stroke,” jaehyun mutters, eyes widening in concern as he watches mark stare blankly at his phone.

jolting back to the present, mark turns to face his eldest brother, a scowl fixed on his lips. “minhyung, really? only mom uses that anymore, and only if i’ve really fucked up.” jaehyun snorts, before mark redirects his attention towards him. “and a stroke? hyung, do you even know what a stroke is?”

johnny laughs as jaehyun’s face twists up, exclaiming a defensive “of course i know what a fucking stroke is, my girlfriend is pre-med,” before jabbing his elbow into johnny’s ribs.

it’s only then that mark realizes the video game had been paused, the players frozen mid-leap on screen as his two brothers had shifted their focus to him. he notes a hint of concern in johnny’s eyes, hardly noticeable if not for the eighteen years mark had spent living beside him and seeing that exact look before. and although he’d never admit this out loud if his life depended on it, the notion lit a spark of warmth in mark’s chest, to know that his brothers really did care about him enough to notice even the slightest shift in his mood.

“yeah, i’m fine i guess,” he mumbled, almost wincing at how unconvincing his voice had sounded.

jaehyun shifted, placing his remote on the coffee table and turning slightly to face mark with his body. “does this have anything to do with last night? with donghyuck?”

mark sighed, nodding, both relieved and a little frightened with how easily they’d been able to identify the source of his unrest. “i gave him the letter last night tucked in with his christmas gift, and he hasn’t said anything about it yet. i know it hasn’t been that long yet, but i doubt he hasn’t opened it by now. it’s just making me anxious, y’know, the lack of a response.”

under his breath, johnny mumbled what mark thought to be a _sweet jesus, help these boys_ before also turning to face him. “put yourself in his place: if you just had your best friend of forever confess their undying love for you, wouldn’t you be a little caught off guard?” marks nose scrunches up at the _l-word_ , feeling heat blooming at the base of his neck at johnny’s choice of terminology. “wouldn’t you need a little time to compose yourself and think things over?”

 _he’s got a point_ , a voice is mark’s head grudgingly notes, despite mark’s efforts to ignore it. “i guess you’re right,” he agrees, fidgeting from his spot on the loveseat under his brothers’ attention. 

“just give him a bit,” jaehyun offers resolutely, a kind smile playing at his lips as he retrieves his remote and turns back to the game on screen. “he’ll come around.”

and so mark waited. he’d managed to reduce his phone-checking to only once or twice every half hour, channeling his focus into setting up his new watch and playing with the mixer donghyuck had gifted him the night before.

but by the time the sky had begun to color orange and violet, sun slipping over the horizon as the moon took its place among the stars, all he’d received was radio silence. opting to leave his phone on the charger, having drained most of its battery with the frequent unlocking and relocking, he slumped down to dinner, managing to put the letter and empty inbox from his mind as he enjoyed another low-key meal with his family. (again, lowkey by mark’s standards—individual grains of rice and bits of kimchi flying across the table were a usual occurrence when the table sat all three seo brothers, and if their parents joined in every once in a while, it didn’t come as too much of a surprise.)

after helping clean up the table and fishing the tiny flecks of brown rice from his dark locks with the gracious assistance of his mom, mark finally returned to his room. just as he emerged from the bathroom, towel ruffling through his damp hair and knocking against the frame of his glasses, mark’s phone illuminated from across the room, causing his heart to leap into his throat. dropping the towel on the floor and half-creeping, half-running to his desk, he draws ina deep breath, holding it as he pulls the device off the charger.

**_sunhyuck ☼ :_ ** _can we meet up?_ _6:41 pm_

 ** _markus :_ ** _sure, want me to pick u up?_ _6:41 pm_

 **_sunhyuck ☼ :_ ** _yes please_ _6:43 pm_

 ** _markus :_ ** _omw. be there in 10_ _6:46 pm_

tugging on a hoodie and his battered blundstones, mark clunks down the stairs, slipping his phone into his pocket. “i’m heading out to meet up with donghyuck,” he calls over his shoulder, plucking his keys off the rack beside the door. 

his mom’s voice rings out from the kitchen, telling him to be safe and be home before midnight. turning to unlock the front door, he catches johnny’s eyes from where he sits in the living room, something akin to amusement glittering back at him. “ _good luck_ ,” he mouths, and mark smiles, before finally turning to leave.

/ / /

when mark pulls up to donghuck’s driveway, the younger boy was already outside, perched on the edge of his porch and wound tight as if he were preparing to bolt at any second. at the sight of mark’s headlights, though, flashing up the faded blue shingles of his house, he visibly relaxed, the smallest bit of tension bleeding from his shoulders. skipping down two steps at a time and scurrying over mark’s passenger side (nearly giving mark an aneurysm at the thought of him slipping on the ice and getting hurt), he slid in with a wave of cold air, carrying the crisp smell of winter and notes of mrs. lee’s cooking with him.

as he situated himself on the worn out, leather cushions and wrestled his seatbelt into place, mark took a second to take donghyuck all in. like mark, he seemed to have just recently showered, his wavy locks (which were always curliest right out of the shower) were still damp in some places, and dark splotches littered the neck of his hoodie where stray flecks of water had dripped. the hoodie, mark realized with a burst of warmth in his chest, was one of his own, a wash-faded burgundy sweatshirt he’d gotten years ago during a visit to see relatives in canada. the letters of _vancouver_ across the chest were peeling around the edges, and the plastic aglet on one of the strings had long come off, the end frayed and unraveling. 

the click of the seatbelt buckle pulled mark from his observation, resettling his eyes on the dashboard and fiddling with the ac knobs to keep himself occupied. finally breaking the weird, palpable tension that had filled the small space, mark spoke. “so, where to?”

mark glanced back over at donghyuck, whose eyes had already hesitantly slid towards him. he looked for a second as though he hadn’t expected this question, as though he hadn’t thought he would actually get to the point of sitting in mark’s car. before mark could elaborate further, though, he was digging out the head of the auxiliary cord, plugging it into his phone and putting on some slow jam tune mark wasn’t familiar with. mark smiled internally at the familiarity of the action.

“um, how about the park near downtown? the one with the pond,” he says, an uncharacteristic hint of hesitation present in his voice.

this time, mark can’t help the smile that tugs his lips, shy and open and full of warmth. “the one where we first met?”

a deep crimson flush erupts across his face, plunging into the neckline of his hoodie, and he diverts his eyes from mark to rearrange the queue on his phone. and although he feigns indifferent to the whispered “ _cute_ ” that tumbles from mark’s lips, the slight widening of his eyes as he clears his throat begs to differ. 

the rest of the ride is silent, save for donghyuck’s mellow r&b music floating through the subaru’s speakers. the atmosphere isn’t uncomfortable, albeit unfamiliar for the two of them, and mark takes the silence as a much-appreciated opportunity to let his mind wander: to their first meeting all those years ago, to the smiles and laughter exchanged the night before, and to the unrivaled contentment he felt just having donghyuck beside him. his chest is buzzing with warmth, as an old lightbulb does after long hours spent illuminating the darkness, though where the anxiety ends and the excitement begins, he can’t quite tell.

fifteen minutes and three more songs later, mark pulls up to their destination. the parking lot is desolate, the usual crowd of young families and eldery couples having vacated the park hours ago with the setting sun. pausing the music yet leaving his phone on the aux, donghyuck climbs out of the car, wordlessly waiting for mark to follow. it’s weird, mark thinks, how silent donghyuck has gone, the sight almost frightening if only because of its rarity. 

beckoning mark with his eyes, donghyuck begins walking from the battered asphalt parking lot, moving in the direction of the snow-speckled walking path that circles the pond and playground. jogging briefly to catch up, mark falls into step beside him, tucking his hands into the pocket of his sweatshirt, seeking shelter from the biting breeze that swept through the deserted park. shoulder to shoulder, arms occasionally brushing at their proximity, they stay quiet, the frost-bitten earth crunching beneath their boots being the only sound piercing the chilled evening air. 

mark allows the silence to build like a looming ocean wave, growing in intensity and breadth, until it crests, unable to be tolerated any longer, and comes crashing in an outpour of words. “so what did you want to talk abo–”

“i read your letter,” donghyuck interrupts, and the silence that follows those fours words is louder and greater than it had been all night. the air whooshes out of mark’s chest, like a balloon deflated all at once, and he has to take a couple of seconds to regain his composure before donghyuck continues, voice wavering to the slightest degree. “did…did you mean it?"

mark is taken aback, his feet stuttering for a second as the question ricochets around his head. ever so eloquently, he responds, “w-what?”

donghyuck stops walking, the sudden halt sending pebbles skittering outward from his toes. eyes still trained on the path ahead, he speaks again, this time with more surety. “did you mean what you wrote in the letter about…” he pauses, searching the darkness ahead of them as if it holds the right words to convey the thoughts swirling around in his mind. his tongue slips out to moisten his lips, and he finally reclaims his thoughts. “about us. about your feelings.”

mark swallows around his heart in his throat and takes in a deep breath, filling his chest in hopes of pushing out the swarm of butterflies that had collected there. donghyuck finally turns to face him, and mark feels as though he’s both parched and drowning at the same time. his eyes are shimmering, the cold probably drawing tears to his waterline, although, mark would argue, the shine is more likely a result of the sea of emotion rippling within his irises. 

“yes,” mark croaks, internally wincing at the crack in his voice, and clears his voice before starting again. “yeah, donghyuck. i meant every word i wrote in that letter.” a sharp inhale from the boy beside him, and something breaks in those eyes, a dam finally bursting under the pressure of so much emotion swirling and butting against its walls.

mark continues. “i…i really do love you, donghyuck. i always have. i-i’m not sure i can exactly pinpoint when that love shifted from platonic to…something more, but i know it’s there now. and–” he stops to breathe in another full inhale, the freezing air that floods his lungs an anchor in the violent flurry of emotions churning between the two of them. “i just really needed you to know that.”

the air goes static around them, fragile as though the slightest disturbance of molecules would shatter the atmosphere and send the night sky crashing down at their feet. wordlessly, donghyuck resumes walking, nudging mark’s arm in a silent request to follow, and he does. gaze returning steadily ahead, fixed on some invisible object leading them through the dark, they walk for what seems like an eternity and a half to mark, before donghyuck’s quiet voice breaks the silence.

“me too.”

mark’s eyes snap toward him so fast, he thinks he’ll feel the whiplash from it tomorrow. but, he can’t really worry about that right now, because his best friend, the boy he’s loved for so _damn long_ now, _his donghyuck_ just (kind of?) said he likes him back. foregoing all the smoothness and swagger his brothers had tried to teach him, all he can utter is a soft “ _oh_ ”, eyes still wide as they watch the glowing boy at his side. 

in response, donghyuck laughs—a devastatingly full and sunny and so unbelievably _warm_ thing—and the sound alone pulls mark back from whatever awkward spiral he’d landed at the precipice of. a feeble grin upturns the corner of his mouth.

“gosh, you’re such a dork,” donghyuck remarks, the words saturated and sopping with so much unbridled affection, as he gently wriggles his hand into mark’s hoodie pocket, where mark’s own were curled up, intertwining their fingers firmly and dropping his head onto mark’s shoulder. if the angle was uncomfortable, donghyuck didn’t say anything, keeping his temple firmly planted as they finished their walk in silence. 

even after they’d resettled into the patchy, torn cushions of mark’s car, donghyuck resuming his playlist while mark turned on the heated seats and adjusted the air vents to hit both donghyuck and himself, as mark pulled out of the park and began the familiar drive back to donghyuck’s house, they stayed quiet. although, the silence on this leg of the trip, in contrast to that of the ride out, was filled with an undeniable warmth and security, more comfortable that the inexplicable softness of donghyuck’s sweatshirt sleeve as it brushed mark’s wrist, his fingers still nestled between the older boy’s and resting atop donghyuck’s plush, flannel-clothed thigh. 

when mark finally pulls up at donghyuck’s driveway, shifting into park along the curb opposite his house, he turns to find donghyuck already looking back, eyes overflowing with tenderness as a fond smile graced his wind-flushed cheeks. mark cracks a grin of his own, unable to prevent the chuckle that spills from it. 

donghyuck quirks his lips, tilting his head the tiniest bit to the side. “what?”

another disbelieving chuckle escapes mark before he can speak. “this all just feels so surreal. almost like i’m experiencing a fever dream right now.”

donghyuck’s smile multiplies tenfold and a soft laugh of his own answers mark’s. “what does? that i love you back? i known i’m a total catch, but you’re not so bad yourself. you don’t need to be so surprised that the feelings are mutual.”

mark’s eyes flit over the boy sitting in his passenger seat, wearing his old hoodie and pajama pants that mark had seen him wear during their sleepovers since _at least_ eighth grade, taking in the pure beauty and comfort and familiarity that is his lee donghyuck. his gaze pauses on donghyuck’s lips, plush and shiny and hued red from when he’d tugged them between his teeth, just long enough for the other boy to notice, causing donghyuck to unconsciously dart his tongue out to swipe over them. with a fortuitous burst of confidence, mark questions (before his brain can catch up with his mouth), “can i kiss you?”

eyes widening and the lightest shade of pink blooming on his cheeks, donghyuck nods, and mark smiles, unbuckling his seatbelt and leaning across the center console. the fall is unhurried, mark’s right hand coming to cradle donghyuck’s face, his ear slotting between mark’s index and middle finger, while the other winds around to lightly caress his nape. together, they fall, donghyuck’s hand coming to rest on mark’s chest as they inch closer and closer, hot breaths dancing across their cheeks and roaring in each other’s ears like monsoons. 

when their lips finally meet, mark is sure in that moment that nothing, _ever_ , will beat the feeling of donghyuck’s lips against his.

despite the gear shift digging into his ribs and the dingy, yellow light from the street lamps overhead bathing his car in a weird glow, mark can’t help but melt into the kiss. donghyuck’s lips are so _soft_ and warm like a summer breeze or a fresh towel out of the dryer, enveloping him and rendering him unable to think anything other than donghyuck’s name, over and over again like a mantra in his head. donghyuck’s lips move slowly, savoringly, almost shyly, as they get acquainted with mark’s own, thinner but just as eager.

donghyuck shifts forward, slotting their lips even more perfectly against each other, and his grip in the front of mark’s hoodie tightens, his knuckles brushing mark’s abdomen through the dull fabric. a soft noise of contentment spills from donghyuck’s lips only to be swallowed by mark’s, and he pulls donghyuck even closer, hand twisting into the silky hair at the base of donghyuck’s neck.

after an unknown amount of time (although far too short, in mark’s opinion), they surface from each other’s lips with a gasp, foreheads still pressed together as they greedily fill their lungs with shared air. his eyes finally sliding open, not quite sure when he’d closed them in the first place, mark drinks in the sight of the boy before him, eyes still closed as his kiss-swollen lips puff staccato breaths across mark’s own, quirked up in a smile.

when donghyuck’s eyes finally flutter open, they immediately find mark’s, and mark wants to both squeal and sob at the raw emotion and tenderness radiating out from them. his eyes slip down to mark’s lips, drawn-out and obvious enough for mark to catch, and his own lips curl upward in a matching smirk. 

“god, i could literally kiss you all night.”

ignoring the surge of heat in his gut, mark laughs, the force of it causing their foreheads to bump lightly against each other, and donghyuck returns it, uncurling his hand from mark’s hoodie to brush lightly across mark’s lips. mark suppresses a groan at the action, mustering all the willpower he has not to nip at the tips of them, or surge forward to kiss donghyuck again. 

“as immensely tempting as that sounds,” he starts, allowing the hand he had cradling donghyuck’s cheek to slip down, thumb pressing gently into the dip where donghyuck’s jaw meets his neck. “i know your curfew is ten and both your parents’ and sungchan’s windows face the front of the house.”

donghyuck releases a small whimper at the pressure of mark’s thumb on his jaw, dropping his head to mark’s neck and leaning impossibly closer over the center console, seatbelt be damned. “i hate it when you're reasonable—and responsible,” he whines in response, pulling another chuckle from mark’s lips. 

“there’s always tomorrow,” mark says cheekily, and donghyuck huffs in mock incredulity.

“are you suggesting that we make out again in your car tomorrow, seo mark?” the playful grin pushing up his cheeks as he sits back is just as cheeky, if not more, than mark’s. “stealing a kiss before you even ask me to be your boyfriend? seems a little forward, if you ask me.”

mark’s heart does a somersault in his chest at the word _boyfriend_ , his brain clinging to it life a lifeboat in a storm. calming the waves rocking his heart enough to speak, he says “well then, lee donghyuck, would you like to be my boyfriend?”

the smile that blossoms on donghyuck’s face is brighter than any lightbulb, shining star, or sunny day mark has ever seen, and this time he does nothing to stop the fuzzy feeling in his chest from spilling into the rest of his body. “boyfriends,” donghyuck hums thoughtfully, as though trying the word out on his tongue, smile never dampening. “i like the sound of that.”

“me too,” mark answers with finality, taking donghyuck’s hand in his own and pressing a _painfully_ soft kiss to his knuckles. the resulting flush that blooms across donghyuck’s cheeks does not go unnoticed by mark, who just smiles reverently at the sight. “i love you, hyuck-ah.”

donghyuck makes a sound somewhere between a squeak and a groan in protest, using his free hand to slap mark’s chest, forcing out another round of giggles from the older boy. ”god, what have i done? you’re going to be a total sap now,” he moans playfully. “you just wait, mark-hyung, because if there’s anyone more sappy than you it's me.”

 _no complaints here_ , mark thinks to himself, reveling in the feeling of donghyuck’s hand in his. “i’m totally going to get hounded by johnny-hyung and jaehyun-hyung when i get home.”

“i wish you didn’t have to leave,” donghyuck responds, finally unbuckling his seatbelt where it dug into his hip. “you don’t think your parents would let you sleep over tonight?”

mark just barely catches himself from choking, instead shaking his head in disbelief. “hyuck, it’s literally christmas. i’m lucky to even be out right now.”

donghyuck sighs playfully. “well, it was worth a shot."

indulging himself again, mark allows his eyes to sweep over donghyuck’s face wordlessly, the words _lee donghyuck is my boyfriend now_ lazily rolling through his mind. “i’ll see you tomorrow?” he says as his eyes finish their journey. 

“tomorrow,” donghyuck answers, voice hushed and laced with tenderness. tugging his phone off the auxiliary cord and slipping it into his sweatshirt pocket, he places his hand on the door handle, body and eyes still facing mark. “i love you, hyung.”

swallowing the words and imprinting them into his memory, filing them away to be replayed over and over again the second donghyuck steps out of his car, mark sighs back. “i love you too, hyuck-ah.” with a final warm gaze, donghyuck slips out of the passenger seat, car door whooshing shut behind him as his streetlight-illuminated form jogs across the street and up his front porch, disappearing through the front door.

long after mark made it home, keys jingling in his hands as he locked the front door and tugged off his boots, after giving his brothers a brief (and definitely censored) summary of how his confession had gone over and telling his parents good night, and after plugging his phone into the charger, sending donghyuck a good night text beforehand (the one received in response imbued with ironic heart and kissy-faced emojis), mark finally slipped under his comforter, smiling against the soft flannel of his pillow case; and as sleep finally tucked him under its influence, the last things to cross his mind were a particular boy’s _i love you_ reaching out to him from the passenger seat of his car, and the tingling warmth of donghyuck’s lips against his own.

**Author's Note:**

> if you've reached this point in the fic, thank you so much for reading! i'd love to get your feedback on my writing, so i can apply it to future works (and yes, i do plan to write more in the future!). 
> 
> here is a list of the songs i had in mind while writing this fic, btw:  
>  aura (prod. gxxd) - junny ft. ph-1  
>  for you - lee hi ft. crush  
>  love me - nafla ft. hoody  
>  favorite - grizzly ft. sole, punchnello  
>  i can't lie - jiselle  
>  luh! - dahee, sole  
>  nuuh - thama  
>  stability - oceanfromtheblue
> 
> stay safe, happy, and have a great new year's everyone!


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